I had honestly forgotten about this log. Completely. I think for good reason.

Nothing in my life is as it was at last writing. Except for my son. And that's as static as always. I don't understand him. I can't get to him. I can't even talk to him it seems. And all I want to do is take him in my arms like I didn't get to do all the years he was away, and tell him how wonderful he is, how handsome, how smart, how much I love him.

It is very much like watching my son through glass. And it hurts.

My job is...evolving. So much has happened in the last eleven months in the city, I wouldn't dare try to list them. But where we've ended up is back under Damian's rule, this time he calls himself 'Patriarch'. Some Japanese kook, in all their wisdom, declared Midian a country. !!! I suppose I could blame karma for this. How many times under Silua Mills' administration I said 'I'd rather have Damian back', I couldn't say. And there he is. And she's still there as well. Regent, she calls herself. All this came on the tails of the MPD leaving the MPD. Thirty of us walked out on December 3rd. Left and came together to form a new group, the Judges. I don't really know how to organize my thoughts on the Judges yet...but without a doubt, the one thing I know is that this is an amazing, extraordinary group of people, hybrids, mechs...who have the heart and integrity to carry this insane endeavor as far as it'll go. I love them. I admire them. I couldn't do this without them.

Dia is...gone. I don't think I can bring myself to write the details of his death. I'll never forgive myself for destroying one of God's truly magnificent creations. Dia was a man of deep faith, deep passion, and pure amazing. I will never get over losing him, as long as I live. And then, to lose Ayele not a month later was...indescribable. I can't continue writing about this now.

I do have love in my life again. The entire situation for me is so surreal...what he is, who he is, who his family is. But I do love him. He is my companion, my friend. And he seems to understand I can't always be there, emotionally or physically. That's the best thing anyone can do for me.

Ah duty calls. Whatever this new duty is.